Friday January 7, 2011
Breaking up with Butter what's best for Biscotti
Hey Butter, it’s Stella.
What up dude? Things are good here, for the most part. Remember that one time I was making that crazy cake, and you were like, “Ahh, I’m not sure I’m into this” and I was like “No, Butter, do it!” and like you went in double or nothing and came out amazing? Oh, man, those were good times. The other day, I made some killer Swiss meringue, you shouldda been there!
So man, you know I love you, right? You know I’m always lookin’ out for you. Butter, I love you. We have a long history together. I adore you, you know I do. I never skimp when a recipe asks for you, I never hold out on you. You know that. I never cut corners, never leave you out. I’ve never been on a diet. I promote you whenever, wherever. So you know I’ve got nothing against you. You know that.
I’ve heard how you’re taking that sweet, traditional little Italian thing and trying to get with her. Trying to intermingle. Trying to wow her with your rich, decadent style. And listen, I get that. Biscotti is super cool, and I don’t blame you for wanting to try and start something there.
So, we’re cool, you and I, Butter. But, and I’m saying this as a friend, you’re hurting Biscotti. I know you’re two responsible individuals, and what you do together in a mixing bowl is none of my business. But, as your friend, I can’t just stand by, when I think this is so bad for the both of you.
You’re shortening her shelf life. You’re making her crumb too fine; she just disintegrates in coffee when you’re around. It’s kinda pathetic. And that sad buttery trail you leave behind? That’s not like you.
Biscotti has so much flour and sugar anyway, she barely notices you. And with all that time she spends in the oven? It’s just a waste of your talents. I mean it.
So, I just think you need to consider taking a break from Biscotti. For good.
Why don’t you find a nice Chocolate Chip? You and chocolate cookies always get along so well, it’s just a better match. And anyway, every cookie from Shortbread to Icebox is dying to get a call from you.
And, if you’ve really got a thing for Italian cookies, I mean, the Italian butter cookie would be a perfect match, hon.
Just leave Biscotti alone, please? I think it’s over. Don’t call her. She doesn’t want to hear from you right now. She’s already seeing someone else.
Coffee. Some guy from Peru.
See for yourself. It’s a little graphic, Butter, but you need to see it. Biscotti is all over Coffee.
I found these recipes for Biscotti. Butter, you’re no where to be found. She doesn’t need you. See for yourself. Almond Anise and Chocolate biscotti. Even Gluten Free Biscotti doesn’t call for you, Butter. Look at these recipes for Gluten Free Almond Anise and Gluten Free Chocolate biscotti. You’re not there.
Pull yourself together, Butter. You’ll find someone else.
20 comments and counting
Jan 07, 2011 · 4:59 PM
This is brilliant, I could totally hear you in my head saying all this. I have to agree as well, I have made a lot of biscotti..I know what you’re thinking “but Mousey you’re a coolinary kid, that’s shady”, however, I have made my share and butter is just wasting time with that particular treat.
Jan 07, 2011 · 6:00 PM
LOL aww, poor butter.. they’ll stay Facebook friends though, right?
· cathy · http://www.savorynotes.com
Jan 07, 2011 · 6:42 PM
@Mousey, that is totally blah blah blah shady. Stick to the salty things, kiddo. JK. You’re a heckuva baker!
@Cathy, lol! Yes! They are totally still Facebook friends.
Jan 08, 2011 · 6:44 PM
Woot! Butter can take a break from working overtime during the holidays.
· Jessica · http://www.jessicasdinnerparty.com
Jan 08, 2011 · 8:18 PM
@Heather, are you going to NZ?! I actually had a biscotti at a cafe in Auckland (tasty!), so I vouch for their presence, lol!
@Jessica, yes ma’am. January is my month for hot coffee and biscotti, satisfying in the cold, cooperative with my annual New Year’s detox.
Jan 08, 2011 · 11:11 PM
That’s so funny, what a memory that guy! They do have pretty spectacular butter!!! I remember buttering split croissants at breakfast, which still seems wrong, but felt so right at the time. Their butter makes a good case for buttered biscotti. Not in the biscotti, but slathered on top, like frosting. Only just butter. New Zealand butter.
Jan 10, 2011 · 12:58 AM
Wow. Your food looks just amazing. We’d love to see your stuff posted at dishfolio.com!
· lacey @ dishfolio · http://www.dishfolio.com
Jan 12, 2011 · 10:01 AM
@lacey, thanks for the vote of confidence. I just checked dishfolio out! Looks so cool. I’ll have to start submitting!
Jan 18, 2011 · 4:08 PM
the butter you broke up with? he’s rebounding with me. big time.
· brigitte · http://www.brigittecooks.com
Jan 18, 2011 · 8:33 PM
Meow! Sounds like a good time. Just don’t take things too fast!
Feb 22, 2011 · 7:50 PM
I stinkin’ love you.
Sep 17, 2011 · 9:19 PM
Biscotti kept haunting me. I found a recipe(w/ butter indeed)~ur blog just might have prevented a less than crisp and underwhelming dipping cookie! Thanks¤gypsybouche¤
· MonkeyChef · http://gypsybouche.wordpress.com
Sep 17, 2011 · 11:14 PM
@Monkey Chef, crisis averted! Enjoy your authentic biscotti. xoxo
Dec 03, 2011 · 5:18 AM
Thanks for a great healthy low fat recipe
· Alison · http://howtoloseweightezee.com
Dec 10, 2011 · 1:09 PM
This is funny as hell
· Jose · http://dashdietblog.blogspot.com/
Dec 11, 2011 · 1:36 PM
@Jose, thanks so much! Butter has officially moved on…